Thursday, November 29, 2012

First Christmas Joke of 2012

Here's the first Christmas Joke of 2012

Christmas Trees

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks his father, 'Dad, how many
kinds of boobs are there?'
The father, surprised, answers, 'Well, son, there are three kinds of boobs:
In her 20's, a woman's are like melons, round and firm.
In her 30's to 40's, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit.
After 50, they are like onions'.
'Yes, you see them and they make you cry.'

This infuriated his wife and daughter so the daughter said, 'Mum, how many
kinds of 'willies' are there?'
The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, 'Well dear, a man goes through
three phases. In his 20's, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard..
In his 30's and 40's, it is like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his
50's, it is like a Christmas Tree.'
'A Christmas tree?'

'Yes - the tree is dead and the balls are just for decoration.'

Thursday, November 15, 2012

Senior Wedding

Jacob, age 92, and Mary, age 89, living in Fort Myers, are all
excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding, and on the way they pass a drugstore.
Jacob suggests they go in.
Jacob addresses the man behind the counter:
"Are you the owner?" The pharmacist answers,
"Yes." Jacob: "We're about to get married. Do
you sell heart medication?"
Pharmacist: "Of course we do."
Jacob: "How about medicine for circulation?"
Pharmacist: "All kinds."
Jacob: "Medicine for rheumatism?"
Pharmacist: "Definitely."
Jacob: "How about suppositories and medicine
for impotence?"
Pharmacist "You bet!"
Jacob: "Medicine for memory problems, arthritis and
Pharmacist: "Yes, a large variety. The works."
Jacob: "What about vitamins, sleeping pills,
Geritol, antidotes for Parkinson's disease?"
Pharmacist: "Absolutely."
Jacob: "Everything for heartburn and indigestion?"
Pharmacist: "We sure do."
Jacob: "You sell wheel chairs and walkers and canes?"
Pharmacist: "All speeds and sizes."
Jacob: "Adult diapers?"
Pharmacist: "Sure."
Jacob: "We'd like to use this store as our bridal registry.