Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Monday, April 26, 2010
A woman walks into the downtown welfare office, trailed by 15 kids.
'WOW,' the social worker exclaims, 'are they all yours?"
'Yep, they are all mine,' the flustered momma sighs, having heard that
question a thousand times before.
She says, 'Sit down Leroy.' All the children rush to find seats.
'Well,' says the social worker, 'then you must be here to sign up. I'll
need all your children's names.'
''Well, to keep it simple, the boys are all named Leroy and the girls are
all named Leighroy.'
In disbelief, the case worker says, 'Are you serious? They're ALL named
Their momma replied, 'Well, yes, it makes it easier. When it's time to get
them out of bed and ready for school, I yell, 'Leroy!' An' when it's time
for dinner, I just yell 'Leroy!' An they all comes a runnin. An' if I need
to stop the kid who's running into the street, I just yell Leroy' and all
of them stop. It's the smartest idea I ever had, namin' them all Leroy.'
The social worker thinks this over for a bit, then wrinkles her forehead
and says tentatively, 'But what if you just want ONE kid to come, and not
the whole bunch?'
'Then I call them by their last names.'
Friday, April 23, 2010
Pro stitute Doing Her Taxes
A woman walks into an accountant's office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes.
The accountant says, "Before we begin, I'll need to ask you a few questions." Then he gets her name, address, social security number, etc. and then asks, "What is your occupation?"
"I'm a who re," she says.
The accountant is somewhat taken aback and says, "No, No, No, that won't work. Let's try to rephrase that."
The woman says, "OK, I'm a high-end call girl."
"No, that still won't work. Try again."
They both think for a moment and the woman says, "I'm a chicken farmer."
The accountant asks, "What does chicken farming have to do with being a pro stitute?"
"Well, I raised a thousand little peck ers last year."
"Chicken Farmer it is."
Thursday, April 22, 2010
You don't have to own a cat to appreciate this one!
You don't even have to like 'em!
We were dressed and ready to go out for the New
Years Eve Party. We turned on a night light, turned the answering machine on,
covered our pet parakeet and put the cat in the backyard. We phoned the local
cab company and requested a taxi. The taxi arrived and we opened the front
door to leave the house. The cat we put out in the back yard, scoots back into
the front door.
We didn't want the cat shut in the house because she
always tries to eat the bird. My wife goes out to the taxi, while I went
inside to get the cat. The cat runs upstairs, with me in hot pursuit.
Waiting in the cab, my wife doesn't want the driver
to know that the house will be empty for the night. So, she explains to the
taxi driver that I will be out soon, 'He's just going upstairs to say Goodbye
to my mother.'
A few minutes later, I get into the cab. 'Sorry I
took so long,' I said, as we drove away. 'That stupid bitch was hiding under
the bed. I had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out! She
tried to take off, so I grabbed her by the neck. Then, I had to wrap her in a
blanket to keep her from scratching me. But it worked! I hauled her fat ass
downstairs and threw her out into the back yard!
The cab driver hit a parked car.
Monday, April 19, 2010
I might call in one morning with this disease - especially when the weather gets pretty!
Another new Illness to watch out for.... Anal Glaucoma
A woman calls her boss one morning and tells him that she is staying home because she is not feeling well.
"What's the matter?" he asks.
"I have a case of anal glaucoma," she says in a weak voice.
"What the hell is anal glaucoma?"
"I can't see my ass coming into work today."
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Monday, April 12, 2010
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Four women were driving across the country.
Each one was from a different place, P.E.I, BC, Alberta , and Newfoundland .
Shortly after the trip began, the woman from P.E.I . Started pulling potatoes from her bag and began throwing them out of the window. 'What the heck are you doing?' demanded the girl from BC.
'We have so many of these darn things in PEI , I'm just sick of looking at them!'
A moment later, the gal from BC began pulling apples from her bag and began tossing them from the window.
'What are you doing that for?' asked the gal from PEI .
'We have so many of these things in BC, I am just sick of looking at them!'
Inspired, the gal from Alberta opened the car door and pushed the Newfie out.
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
He asks, 'What are you doing?'
She answers, 'I'm moving to Nevada. I heard prostitutes there
get paid $400 for doing what I do for you for free.'
Later that night, on her way out, the wife walks into the
bedroom and sees her husband packing his suitcase.
When she asks him where he's going, he replies, 'I'm coming,
too, I want to see how you live on $800 a year'.
Tuesday, April 6, 2010