A man and a woman who had never met before but were both married to other people found themselves assigned to the same sleeping compartment on a trans-continental train.

Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper bunk and she in the lower.

At 1 a.m., the man leaned down and gently woke the woman saying, "ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet and get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold."

"i have a better idea," she replied. "just for tonight, let's pretend that we're married."

"wow! that's a great idea!" he exclaimed.

"good," she replied. "get your own fucking blanket."

after a moment of silence, he farted.

A lady and her husband,who went to the hospital to give birth to their child, heard of a new technology from the doctor, which would transfer the labour pain from the mother to the father.

The couple were both excited and very much in favour of it. The doctor however said that, to start with, he would transfer only 10% of the pain, as even that small amount of pain would be too much for the father. They agreed and the doctor started the transfer.

The father did not show any signs of pain as the doctor kept increasing the amount of transfer. The transfer was complete at one stage with 100% pain transferred to the father. The father was comfortable even at that stage and the mother delivered the baby. The couple left the hospital with the baby, literally painless and ecstatic, only to return home and find the mailman dead on the porch!

SHIT

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon
began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to
investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile
of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Moral of the Story -
[1] Not everyone who s**ts on you is your enemy.
[2] Not everyone who gets you out of s**t is your friend.
[3] And when you're in deep s**t, it's best to keep your mouth shut!