Two men are driving through Texas when they get pulled over by a State Trooper. The cop walks up and taps on the window with his nightstick.
The driver rolls down the window and WHACK, the cop smacks him in the head with the stick. The driver asks, "What the hell was that for?"
The cop answers, "You're in Texas son. When we pull you over, you better have your license ready when we get to your car."
The driver says, "I'm sorry, Officer, I'm not from around here." The cop runs a check on the guy's license, and he's clean. He gives the guy his license back, walks around to the passenger side, and taps on the window. The passenger rolls down the window and WHACK, the cop smacks him on the head with the nightstick. The passenger asks, "What'd you do that for, sir?" The cop says, "Just making your wish come true." The passenger asks, "Making what wish come true?" The cop says, "I know that two miles down the road you're going to say to your buddy, "I wish that asshole would've tried that shit with me!"....

A wife treats hubby by taking him to a Strip Club for his birthday...

At The Club, The Doorman Says, "Hi Jim, How are You?"

The wife asks, "How does he know you?

Jim says, "Oh dear, I play football with him."

Inside the Bartender Says, "The Usual, Jim?"

Jim says to Wife, "Before you say anything, He's on the Darts Team."

Next a stripper Says, "Hi Jim! Do You Crave the Special Again??"

The Wife storms out dragging Jim with her & jumps into a taxi..

The Taxi driver Says, "Hey Jimmy Boy! You picked up an ugly one this time...."

Jim's Funeral is on Sunday!!!