Wednesday, January 19, 2011

They Walk Among Us

airport ticket agent offers some examples of WHY our country is in

1. I had a New Hampshire Congresswoman (Carol
Shea-Porter) ask for an aisle seat so that her hair wouldn't get messed up
by being near the window. (On an airplane!)

2. I got a call from a
Kansas Congressman' s (Moore) staffer (Howard Bauleke), who wanted to go to
Cape Town. I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport
information, and then he interrupted me with, ''I'm not trying to make you
look stupid, but Cape Town is in Massachusetts. ''

Without trying to
make him look stupid, I calmly explained, ''Cape Cod is in Massachusetts,
Cape Town is in South Africa.''

His response ? click!

3. A
senior Vermont Congressman (Bernie Sanders) called, furious about a
Florida package we did. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in
Orlando. He said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried to explain
that's not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state.

He replied, 'Don't lie to me! I looked on the map and Florida is a
very THIN state!!'' (OMG)

4. I got a call from a lawmaker's wife
(Landra Reid) who asked, ''Is it possible to see England from Canada

I said, "No.''

She said, ''But they look so close on the
map'' (OMG, again!)

5. An aide for a cabinet member (Janet
Napolitano) once called and asked if he could rent a car in Dallas. I
pulled up the reservation and noticed he had only a 1-hour layover in
Dallas. When I asked him why he wanted to rent a car, he said, ''I heard
Dallas was a big airport, and we will need a car to drive between gates to
save time.'' (Aghhhh)

6. An Illinois Congresswoman (Jan
Schakowsky) called last week. She needed to know how it was possible that
her flight from Detroit left at 8:30 a.m., and got to Chicago at 8:33

I explained that Michigan was an hour ahead of Illinois, but
she couldn't understand the concept of time zones. Finally, I told her the
plane went fast, and she bought that.

7. A New York lawmaker,
(Jerrold Nadler), called and asked, ''Do airlines put your physical
description on your bag so they know whose luggage belongs to

I said, 'No, why do you ask?'

He replied, ''Well,
when I checked in with the airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said
(FAT), and I'm overweight. I think that's very rude!''

putting him on hold for a minute, while I looked into it. (I was dying
laughing). I came back and explained the city code for Fresno, CA is (FAT
- Fresno Air Terminal) and the airline was just putting a destination tag
on his luggage..

8. A Senator John Kerry aide (Lindsay Ross)
called to inquire about a trip package to Hawaii. After going over all the
cost info, she asked, ''Would it be cheaper to fly to California and then
take the train to Hawaii?''

9. I just got off the phone with a
freshman Congressman, Bobby Bright from Alabama who asked, ''How do I know
which plane to get on?''

I asked him what exactly he meant, to
which he replied, ''I was told my flight number is 823, but none of these
planes have numbers on them.''

10. Senator Dianne Feinstein called
and said, ''I need to fly to PepsiCola, Florida. Do I have to get on one
of those little computer planes?''

I asked if she meant fly to
Pensacola, FL on a commuter plane.

She said, ''Yeah, whatever,

11. Mary Landrieu, La. Senator, called and had a
question about the documents she needed in order to fly to China. After a
lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded her that she needed a visa.
"Oh, no I don't. I've been to China many times and never had to have one
of those.''

I double checked and sure enough, her stay required a
visa. When I told her this she said, ''Look, I've been to China four times
and every time they have accepted my American Express!''

12. A New
Jersey Congressman (John Adler) called to make reservations, ''I want to
go from Chicago to Rhino, New York.''

I was at a loss for words.
Finally, I said, ''Are you sure that's the name of the

"Yes, what flights do you have?'' replied the

After some searching, I came back with, ''I'm sorry, sir, I've
looked up every airport code in the country and can't find a rhino

The man retorted, ''Oh, don't be silly! Everyone knows
where it is. Check your map!''

So I scoured a map of the state of
New York and finally offered, ''You don't mean Buffalo, do

The reply? ''Whatever! I knew it was a big
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* **

you know why the Government is in the shape it's in!

be this DUMB?


I don't write it, I just offer it for your
consideration. Like manure, you just got to spread it