The Accident

Goldstein wakes up in the hospital, bandaged from head to foot. The doctor comes in and says, finally you're awake. You probably don't remember, but you were in a
pileup on the interstate. You'll be okay, you'll walk again and everything,
but..... there's a complication. Gentle I'll try to be... but the fact is... your penis was chopped off in the wreck and we couldn't find it."
'Oy vey', groans Goldstein, but the doctor goes on,
'From your hospital insurance $9000 to you is coming. Today we have the technology to build you a new penis. It'll work even better than your old one did......maybe! But it isn't cheap.....$1000.00 an inch it'll cost you.'
Goldstein perks up.
'So,' the doctor says, 'It's for you to decide how many inches you want. But with your wife you
should discuss it. Because if before you had five inches and you decide to go for nine, she might be very happy.....but if before you had nine, and you decide only to invest in five, she might be
disappointed.'
Goldstein agrees to talk with his wife. The doctor comes back the next day and says, 'So, you
spoke with your wife?'
'I did,' says Goldstein.
'And she told you how she feels ?'
'Yes, she did' he says.
'So what it's going to be?' asks the doctor.
'We're getting granite countertops.'