One year, a husband decided to buy his mother-in-law
a cemetery plot as a
Christmas gift...
The next year, he didn't buy her a gift.
When she asked him why, he replied,
"Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you
last year!"
And that's how the fight started...
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
I asked my wife,
'Where do you want to go for our anniversary?'
It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet
appreciation.
'Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!' she
said.
So I suggested, 'How about the kitchen?'
And that's when the fight started...
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A
Millionaire while we were in
bed.
I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have
$ex?'
'No,' she answered.
I then said, Is that your final answer?'
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying
'Yes.'
So I said, 'Then I'd like to phone a friend.'
And that's when the fight started...
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
I took my wife to a restaurant.
The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
'I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.'
He said, 'Aren't you worried about the mad cow?'
'Nah, she can order for herself.'
And that's when the fight started...
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was
flipping the channels.
She asked, 'What's on TV?'
I said, 'Dust.'
And then the fight started...
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our
upcoming anniversary.
She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0
to 200 in about 3 seconds.'
I bought her a scale.
And then the fight started...
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high
school reunion, and she
kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as
he sat alone at a nearby
table.
I asked her, 'Do you know him?'
'Yes,' she sighed, 'He's my old boyfriend... I
understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years
ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since.'
'My God!' I said,
'Who would think a person could go on celebrating
that long?'
And then the fight started...
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
I rear-ended a car this morning... So, there we were
alongside the road and
slowly the other driver got out of his car.
You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed
and little things just
seem funny?
Yeah, well I couldn't believe it... he was a
DWARF!!!
He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and
shouted,
'I AM NOT HAPPY!'
So, I looked down at him and said,
'Well, then which one are you?'
And then the fight started...
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
THE BROKEN LAWN MOWER:
When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife
kept hinting to me that
I should get it fixed.
But, somehow I always had something else to take
care of first, the truck,
the car, playing golf. Always something more
important to me.
Finally she thought of a clever way to make her
point.
When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in
the tall grass, busily
snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I
watched silently for a
short time and then went into the house. I was gone
only a minute, and when
I came out again I handed her a toothbrush.
I said, 'When you finish cutting the grass, you
might as well sweep the driveway.'
The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always
have a limp.
